Soo, life has been pretty crazy lately. I'm starting to feel pretty overwhelmed with everything. Also, I've noticed that since I'm nearing the end of my second trimester, I've been starting to slow down. I'm trying to find a job so if anyone knows anywhere that's hiring please let me know! Me & Garrett are doing pretty well so that's good. Other than that I feel like I'm going into nesting mode because I've been cleaning a lot. I want to start getting everything set up & ready for when the baby comes even though I have four months to go still!

it's a girl!!

I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't super excited at first when we found out that were having a girl. Not because I wanted a boy, but because theres so much to worry about with a girl and girls get bullied all the time! Girls are mean to each other and that scares me because I love her so much already and shes not even here yet! And if anything bad ever happened to her I would absolutely be heartbroken! I can't stop staring at the ultrasound pictures, she has such a cute face and i just want her here so i can hold her in my arms! Everyone says I'm gonna want to put her back in my stomach when she's out so i should just enjoy this time while she's in my belly, but I know that I've already fallen in love with her and it hurts that I can't hold her now because that's all I want to do. Especially when I have a bad day. In my heart I know that to me she'll be perfect no matter what so I just wish i could fastforward time!

Excited for the ultrasound, I want to find out so bad! But not feeling very well about tomorrow.. oh well I guess there's nothing I can do about it. Have physical therapy after school, I have to get a belly band! Aren't those uncomfortable?? Anyways I've been feeling kinda weird lately (not just because I'm pregnant) & my ankles have started to swell.. that's great.. not.

In my second trimester! Supposed to be feeling better but not really happening for me.. Me & Garrett have been fighting a lot so things have been pretty crappy lately... On the bright side, (which is hard to see nowadays) me & Garrett have two girl names picked & our forsure boy name.(:

ughh...

I know this probably sounds horrible but I'm just tired of everything right now. I absolutely hate coming to school every day & having people up in my space & pushing me around. I hate getting out of bed in the morning & honestly I'm getting really tired of my relationship. I look at all the other girl's baby dads & they're there for them & they actually support them & care. I look at my baby's dad & all he does is get mad at me. He yells at me for having cravings because I ask him to go eat with me. It's not even like I'm asking him to drive, it's my car & my gas I simply just don't want to go alone. I really don't have any friends besides Graison that i can talk to. & This is probably going to sound stupid but he used to have this look in his eyes when he looked at me & now that's gone. We barely talk anymore & if we do it's fighting. He used to send me long meaningful text messages & they would almost make me cry from how happy they made me & how sweet they were. Now when I see those text messages I cry because he doesn't do that anymore & I'm sad all the time & nothing goes right. I cry for no reason sometimes & he doesn't really seem to care at all. I mean a freakin' hug would be nice at least. He doesn't hug me or kiss me anymore really at all. We don't cuddle or anything & it's breaking my heart.. sometimes I feel like breaking up with him just so I don't have to be around him for awhile & maybe he'll realize what he has..

falling apart..

i feel like everything's crumbling around me.. garrett has decided that he wants to go back to school early instead of being a father and connecting with his child. we just got into a huge fight over it and when we got to his house he got out and slammed the door really hard which made me cry. then he texted me and said that i fucked up when i didn't do anything wrong besides yell because i was mad. i think i've decided that i'm going to take a break from him until he gets his priorities straight but that's really hard.. my mom told him and his parents that money isn't an issue and that she would be happy to pay for everything until later if it means that me, garrett, and the baby can bond and he'll be here to help me during the day while i'm out of school since i'll be out for 8-10 weeks. i just don't understand why he would do that.. and i even told him well i guess that's your decision but i hope you understand what you're giving up and he said i'm not giving up anything.. maybe i'm just being hormonal but i don't think so...

1st ultrasound

Had my first ultrasound! He/she looked precious! Heartbeat is 165 & very strong & loud! Time to start the countdown till I find out the gender! 9 weeks to go!(: